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Pain to Progress

Uncategorized Feb 21, 2018

Tonight I met a new widow, her husband has been gone just 2 months, and she is left with 2 children to raise alone.  

So many thoughts and feelings came back to me as I looked at the shock on her face, the empty look in her eyes, the way she checked out during discussions, and I watched her so carefully, and I knew where she was; the same place I was just 1 year ago.  

My heart ached for her, I wanted to rush to her, get her through to where I am today, to take away this next year of pain for her so she can begin to feel alive again.  

But I remembered I can't do that, and even if I could I wouldn’t, because it would rob her of her journey, her pain, her growth, her evolving into the woman she will become because of her pain.  

So instead I gave her the only thing I could, a gentle reassurance that it won’t feel like this forever, it will get better.  

And as I talked with her, I thought of those early days, there was a moment that stands out; I took the kids to a movie, and for one single minute like this flash, I was present, caught up in what was happening on screen, and then, like a hit to the guts that feeling again, but when that feeling came back I had this small glimmer of hope, and thought “oh my god, I wasn’t thinking about it for a minute.”  It was a huge turning point for me, because until that moment I never believed I would ever feel good again.  From that point on, I recognized all those moments, and then a single moment became a few, and a few became 10 and then an hour and on and on.  I started to focus on the life I had instead of what was no longer here.  

Tonight reminded me of how far I have come, how differently I feel about everything.  It reminded me, we can't rush our progress when it comes to healing, grieving, rediscovering ourselves, or anything that is about growing and learning, we just need to take one day at a time and always focus on how far we have come, rather than where we have yet to arrive.  It’s a journey my friends, we all have our own, be proud of your progress, I know I am proud of mine.

 xo

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