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Please don't compare your life as a single parent to mine as a solo parent....

Feb 11, 2019

I’m asking you to please stop comparing your life as a single parent to mine as a solo parent.  In fact let’s all stop comparing, let’s stop trying to one up each other, lets show each other compassion no matter what our unique parenting situation, but today I’m specifically talking about solo parenting after loss of a spouse and it IS different.

No matter what our parenting situation, we ALL deserve compassion, support, and understanding in our unique situations, because lets be honest, parenting is hard enough for all of us, it’s twists and turns, and ups and downs, laughter, and tears, guilt, fear, overwhelming joy, and chaos, all wrapped into one, and that’s just for a two-parent household.

Being a single parent has it’s own struggles too, it turns those up to a whole new level as well as communication challenges with a co-parent, navigating new spouses etc. as well as coparents that just are uninvolved.

Solo parenting is a...

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What 2 years without him has taught me.

Dec 22, 2018

2 Years ago today since I saw his beautiful face, heard his voice, touched him.  

Two years since they said those forever haunting words “we’re sorry he didn’t make it.” 

These last two years have felt like a lifetime, like a whole new life, a whole new me.  

So many things I never knew about myself have come to the surface.  

Grief has a way of revealing all that you are, forcing you to look deeply at yourself through pain, loneliness and vulnerability.

In two years, I have become more compassionate, more aware, more loving, more accepting, more free, more me. 

I have grieved, cried, been more lonely than I thought possible, built a business, started a couple books, made new friendships, strengthened existing ones, managed home renovations, traveled many places, overcome many roadblocks, parented 4 grieving children, gotten tattoos and even explored the world of dating, all without him.

How could I not be different? 

Everything...

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Pick yourself up

Oct 16, 2018

Leaning on the strength of others to help us through hard times is helpful but in the end it is us that decides to climb out of our own circumstances.  True resilience is the ability to keep rising when we fall. We must understand that we are the only ones who hold the power to determine the direction of our lives.  No matter what we face, no matter what mistakes we’ve made, no matter what others have done to us, it’s our responsibility.  Because happiness is a choice, it’s not a lottery of luck, we get to decide.  The key is understanding you WILL fall down, it’s inevitable, life can be hard, overwhelming, heartbreaking, but will you stay down or are you building the tools necessary to pull yourself up when needed? That’s what true resilience is, the more we work on us the more ready we are to make the climb when required.  You’ve got this, are you ready?

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What if you’re wrong?

Oct 15, 2018

You know all those things that you tell yourself, the stories about not being enough?  The one about not having enough qualifications or education, the one about your idea never working, or the one about not being good enough to go after the person your attracted to, how about the one that says no one is  interested in your ideas?  

What if...your wrong? 

What would it look like if those beliefs didn’t exist? If you took the step towards the thing you wanted without listening to them? How would your life be different?  

What if your just wrong? Crazy right?

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The person who makes you stronger is also your biggest weakness.

Jun 22, 2018

And that person is YOU. We as human beings are born with immense power to make anything happen, but that power becomes dulled by our own beliefs throughout our lives. We are our most powerful resource and yet we spend to much time in our head building roadblocks that prevent us from reaching our desired outcomes, we stand in our own way. What could you do if you learned to get out of your own way? How would you feel differently? How would your relationships, health, finances, work, growth and contributions be enhanced? What’s your WHY? All important questions to reflect on, clarity is power.

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I just can't do this anymore....

Jun 14, 2018

“I can’t do this anymore, I am sick of it all, I just want to sell everything and run away, I’m SO done!”

This was the conversation I had with myself today after my lawnmower wouldn’t start, and I got attitude for asking for someone to clean their bathroom. It’s a build up, the dishes everywhere, the messy rooms, teenagers constantly in and out of my house, the laundry, the cat litter everywhere, the dog needing walked, the piling up of papers and the grass that needs to be cut, the getting people out the door in the mornings, missed buses, the motivating, the emotional support, the appointments, planning, shopping, cooking.
It literally felt like the whole world was weighing down on me, and I was ready to break.

So I did.

I cried, I cursed Mike for leaving me with all of this, for having to deal with lawnmowers, and renovations, contractors, siding, broken dishwashers, and tree removal, and all these tools I don’t even understand what they are...

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Are you a "human being" or a "human doing?"

Jun 05, 2018

This concept was something I was working on prior to my husband, Mike’s death, one that I must admit, I still needed more coaching on, but had come leaps and bounds.

As a recovering “human doing” “being” was not something I was very familiar with. I was more like “a soldier going into battle” as my therapist Liz described it.

“Human doing” is the way I ran my life, if I wasn’t getting stuff checked off my lists in my planner then I wasn’t achieving, and if I wasn’t achieving then I wasn’t worthy, because hard work equals worth – that was a conditioned limiting belief I held.

So “being” was just something I did when I fell down from exhaustion at the end of the day, but that exhaustion didn’t come from working so hard necessarily, it came from all the dialogue in my head, the constant pressure and standards that I held myself to.

I think most of us are hardest on ourselves, but I was...

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5 Things you can start TODAY to be more present in your life.

May 29, 2018

Being more present has so many benefits, it has us living in the present moment rather than the past; which we cannot change, or the future which we can't control.

 When we life in the present moment we are focused on what we can influence today, creating empowerment and happiness for where we are, and it helps deepen relationships with ourselves and others.  

There are lots of things we can do to work on being more present, these 5 things are what I believe are easy changes to get us there fast with so many other added benefits as well.

1. GRATITUDE

I know, I know it seems like its just become a buzz word that everyone throws around, but there is good reason for it, being grateful changes our brain and creates feelings of love, compassion and appreciation for the small things. Why is this important?

The thing is most of us are working towards some big goals in our lives and that is the things when we achieve we feel grateful for.

The problem with the big things is once we...

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Find your own inner amazing :)

May 24, 2018

Comparing is one of the worst things we can do. When we look at others to measure our worth we are doing ourselves a dis service because we as human beings are all unique. So there is no competition, often we feel less than others when we’re not living our own full potential but we see others doing things we want to. So the work is really something we need to do on us, so we can tap into our full potential and power. So if you find yourself looking outward at others to measure where your at, take it as a signal that you need to go inward and heal your own thoughts and beliefs. You are unique and special and the world needs you to be you!!

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Single and committed to self love.

May 24, 2018

Lately it’s been glaring for me that I’m no longer a part of a couple. It’s taken me down a road of feeling a little lost, and overwhelmed at times, because I’ve been married for so long. I watch the people I love around me do things with their partners and it’s created an empty feeling for me. Part of that is grieving Mike, part of that is shifting a belief that I’m supposed to be a part of a couple to be fulfilled. Yes, as human beings we all want to have deep connections, it’s a basic need we all share. But I also recognize that this is just another part of this journey, finding ways to be not just okay, but good with being alone, using the time to focus solely on me and my children, using the time to do the work and be at peace with exactly where I’m at. So for those of you going it alone, use this time wisely, tap into you, and believe you are exactly where you need to be at this moment.

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